Supermarket Soap
Daily life behind the counter
www.supermarketsoap.co.uk

4th November 2008: Ok, so, like most of the British press, I want to mention Lewis Hamilton today.  BOOOOO!  The motorsport press are full of "the right man won the championship".  No he didn't!  First off, fastest man of the season wasn't Lewis.  It was Kimi.  Which means the fastest car was a Ferrari (NOT a McLaren as ITV kept pointing out).  Now, the other reasons are also quite obvious.  He hasn't been at a lower team yet.  I know Daddy Ron bought him to McLaren, but we have no idea if he's a good driver, or just quick.  Well.  Actually.  We do.  Last season and half of this season Lewis couldn't overtake unless the car in front had a puncture and it was a long straight.  This year, finally, he understood Slipstreaming.  Something basic in F1 overtaking.  Gah.  Give me the days of Villenueve in his prime.  A guy who came in, said "Nice championship, I'll take it."  And did.  In the Schumacher era.  Lastly, to all the Hamilton fans, I have one little tiny thing to say - Kimi spanked Lewis again, in qualifying AND in the race, However, there is sad news.  The Bombshell is dying.  He has a near terminal case of man flu, and is suffering from what appears to be mostly a headache and floppy limbs.  Quite serious then.  And my god isn't he whining about it.  "I am die tonight I think"  "Ugh, can you bringed the cages?  I am not strong tonight"  "Tomorrow either I must sleep or my head must fall off!"  Now, I realise I am not great with man flu, however, because it is winter, I have decided to buy garlic and echchchchchehehchchchinechaahahaha.  Well, if you're going to mis-spell something, do it with flair...  Anyway, these are great for staving off sicknesses and illnesses and bugnesses.  I use garlic all year round and echinecicha most of the year. Then we had a little bit of excitement.  Two cop cars sped onto the forecourt at about 11pm, and then the four officers in the combined cars swarmed one of the parked cars and eventually let the car go, but not before bundling one of the people into the back of their cars.  We never did find out quite why they arrested the guy.  But ho hum, I think they had more pressing things to do than coming into our store for food and fuel because later apparently there were a lot of them out in Everton (no, not THAT Everton!) at the scene of a crash. But then there was a fantastic moment!  We have a girl who comes in most nights who is really cute (not a patch on my own stunning girlie) who Slaphead knows, really had enough of her partner.  He came to the till with their stuff, and then asked for a £10 top up voucher.  Now, this happens more than you would expect.  Someone comes up and asks for a £10 top up without telling us the network they want it for.  So I asked him which network, and he went "Uhhhh....ummmm...wait" and got his mobile phone out, which resulted in an exasperated sigh from the girl who said "Vodaphone!  For f*cks sake..." and stormed off.  We like all that. Plus I actually managed to start a domestic!  Well, kind of.  It was 50% my fault but mostly the girl who came into the store's fault.  You see, her boyfriend put a load of his stuff on the counter, and a load of her stuff and was about to pay for it before she handed me a magazine.  Now, normally I'd ask, but I figured as he was buying her stuff, he was going to buy her the magazine too.  Turns out I was wrong.  But rather than turning on me, he turned on her and said "You want me to buy that for you too?  Because buying you food isn't enough?"  She then turns around to him and said "It's not my fault!  It's the man's fault!  He took it from me and scanned it!"  I smiled sweetly at her and said "Yeah, pass the buck"  The guy suddenly takes my side and says "Don't blame him!  You handed him the magazine!  It's your fault!"  Nice little escape.  Anyway, he pays, and as they leave, the girl turns around and says "Bye man!" and blows me a kiss! Then we had yet another annoying customer.  You see, she came up and was aggressive from the outset.  And unfortunately, customer service policy at SF is to match the customer's tone of voice and mood.  So I did.  And it was amazing, she suddenly became very friendly, and polite, and was quite nice.  Unfortunately, I decided that I wasn't going to change my tone, and quite incredibly, she became even more polite and even nicer! Lastly, a really annoying customer.  He asked me for half an ounce of Old Holbourn.  I got it and he said "No!  The lighter one!"  I frowned and said "There isn't a lighter one"  He then said "There is!  The one beside it!"  I frowned and said "But that's Drum light"  He frowned and said "Yes!  That's what I asked for!" Permalink

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