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11th April 2009: Wow what a night is has been so far.  I really hate bank holiday weekends.  Full of drunken holiday maker idiots.  And none worse than our first lot of customers tonight.  They wanted cigarettes, but an obscure brand.  Now, The Bombshell is a non smoker, so he couldn't find them.  So this bunch of londoners decided to hassle him over it.  All half dozen of them.  Now, one rude customer is enough, six is too many and I won't stand for six on one.  So I got on the tills.  The guy said to me "Won't ask for fags, you f'ckers can't find 'em, even though they're right behind ya!"  I just bit my tongue.  So he said "Smile, it's almost good friday!  What's the matter with you?  Miserable f'cker."  So I said "Abusive customers".  He looked shocked and said "Oi!  I ain't being abusive, if you want abuse, come down to london mate, you'll get abuse there!"  Well, 1 - great advert for london pal, and 2 - I'm not standing for that.  So I replied "Been there.  Twice.  Didn't like it.  It's a dump."  He replied with "Yeah?  Well you ya pikey and your Polish c*** can f*** off."  Then turned around to his mate and said "Give him abuse, he don't like it."  He opened his mouth, but I looked him right in the eye and said "You and your friends are one four letter word from the police.  Come on, try me."  He quietly said "Just this".  But in the background UI saw his friends trashing our personell board.  So I got my phone out dialled 444 (my top up number) and mocked informed the police.  I have never seen obsece cockneys move so fast or cars leave so fast.  But the incident did remind me of a line from WWE.  The Undertaker (to whom sometimes I bear a striking resemblence to) once dared an opponent to a Hell In A Cell match and added "Try me, I'll make you famous".  So, 1000 readers a month isn't quite famous, but on average, 35 people will see this... Then Teeny came in again.  Her petrol driver was in, so she came in and made bacon rolls for me and him.  Which was a nice little bonus.  The Bombshell freely admitted she could make them, and we could eat them, and he would see nothing.  Also a nice little bonus.  And tonight we have had 2 people come in and steal alcohol.  It's been so long since anyone did on nights.  Namely because I walk around looking moody as all hell, and frankly, it scares the hell out of the little wannabe chavs.  Which works for me.  But one guy was absolutely fearless.  He came in, said "I know you won't sell it to me, so, here is three quid".  Then walked over and took a £2.99 bottle of wine and walked out.  I mean, come on.  WTF.  That is really taking the biscuit.  But tonight no-one is immune from my mood.  And I am in a really bad mood.  Don't ask why.  Maybe those guys.  Maybe all the mouthy customers.  Maybe because it's raining.  Could even be because it's a day with a y in it.  But I am in a foul mood.  And even The Bombshell who I protected earlier got the blunt end of it.  He asked me whether I wanted to finish working the big crisps or if he should.  I glared at him and said I'd finish it, but I was actually facing up so that Shoe didn't scream at him in the morning for the store looking terrible.  He is now quietly facing up the store alone. So, as I write this, the total number of thefts has gone up to 5, and I have had a threat of violence made against me.  This drunk guy (who was driving) came in with his girlfriend and began yelling at me "Your Polish mate is a d*ck!"  His girlfriend told him to shut up and said she would pay for the petrol.  He insisted and came in.  And when he saw The Bombshell he yelled "Oi mate, can I buy alcohol yet?"  I said "You can get it at 6, no earlier".  He glared and said "Wasn't talking to you, f*ck off".  So I glared back.  Which got the reply of "Don't look at me like that, don't you dare f*cking look at me like that!  Sh*t f*cking shop."  I politely told him that if he didn't like it, he could shop somewhere else.  He yelled "Well I can't buy f*cking alcohol anywhere else can I?"  I told him it wasn't our problem.  So he said to me "Know what mate, wind your neck in or bang bang I'll punch you in the head and you'll have a little sleep!"  I had to try so hard not to laugh, because he was paraphrasing a line from Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men.  On the advert there is a guy who says "If I tap you on the cheek, you're going for a kip".  It sounds like a laughable threat from a gangster, let alone a drunk.  So I told him "Sure, whatever".  At which point he said "How dare you talk to me like that, you filthy bearded f*cking c*nt".  His girlfriend got him to leave before I lost my temper.  And for 10 minutes he sat in his car outside and waited for us.  Moron.  And then we're going to have it all over again tonight, and Sunday, and Monday.  Gotta love Bank Holidays. Permalink |