Visitors Since 22nd April 2008:

Supermarket Soap
Daily life behind the counter
www.supermarketsoap.co.uk

13.05.08: The "Cool" Customer, The Mutterer, Our Store Might Be The Titanic, Summer Has An Upside, The Blonde Bombshell Blows Up and Queen Chav Desires Humiliation

Streaming Song Of The Day: Kylie - Wow

Free Download Of The Day: The Futureheads - Broke Up The Time

Deal Of The Day:(Beta Feature)

So, we have this one customer who I cannot stand. And I have very valid reasons for hating (yes, it is hate) him. This guy dresses like a model. Looks like a model. Struts like the aisles are catwalks. And there the model analogy ends. Male models often hang out with beautiful women. This guy doesn't. He is always with this girl who has to be size 22-24. I am not being cruel, this is a real estimation. She has very badly dyed blonde hair, and she has possibly the worst taste I have ever seen in fashion. Consistently. But enough of the character assasination, this guy struts around like he could afford to buy the entire shop if he wants. And he spends AGES just browsing and looking. Nothing wrong with that, except, HE COMES IN EVERY DAY! I mean, even with special offers, how long does it take? Not 45 minutes like this guy. The other thing that annoys me about him is that he acts like he is the richest man in the world, and is often scrabbling around in his pockets for change. Perfect example was last night. He yelled across the forecourt to his girlfriend that he only had £2 something and to only put that much fuel in. So she did, and he payed for it. In mostly change...

There is another customer who I loathe. Now, I talk a LOT, but this guy takes it to the extreme. His inner monologue has become an outer monologue. He constantly talks. The entire time. The thing that really makes me angry about him is that I will scan an item and he'll go "there it goes" or something similar. The other thing he annoys me is because he will say "Can I have 20 cigarettes?", which makes me have to ask him which ones. And he'll go through them all verbally, then I will bring them and he'll say "And now can I have 20..." I think one day I am going to write a customer handbook. Common misconceptions which you think will annoy us but won't. Like paying with the right money. It's a mood thing! If we are short of change, we LOVE you paying with correct money. If we are overflowing with coins, we LOVE it when you use your card and want cashback... We be a fickle bunch...

I have determined that our store may be the Titanic reincarnated. For those not in the know, apparently the real story behind the sinking is that the keys to the crows nest were left in Southampton, so they had no idea there was an iceberg until it hit it. Or was about to. Now, this is much like our store. For example, Chip and PIN will 99% of the time work just fine. Except every few transactions it will takes an age to process. And then, even more randomly, sometimes it will just decline the transaction. We call them "fake declines" and they are more embarrassing for us than the customer. Basically, we have to tell them that their card hasn't been declined, but the system says it has and can they put their PIN in again. This once caused a situation so bad that the police were called... Also, for the geekier readers, the system that handles the financial side of recieving stock from outside suppliers (i.e.: bread and milk and cigarettes) if it crashes will spit out raw SQL code if it crashes. Perfectly safe...

Now, I know that I said yesterday that I hate Summer because I am too hot and have hayfever but I have to say that tonight changed my mind. We have a girl who comes into our store maybe 2-3 times a month, so she's not quite a regular, but she is still really cute, despite being older (probably late 30s) and podgy. Anyway, last night she came into the store and was dressed in a long, sleeveless and very tight, very see through dress. Summer does have an upside I guess. Although I did have to serve her obnoxious jerk of a boyfriend. And this isn't jealousy - I am VERY happy with my incredible Alecita, but if I was like this guy, I would want Ale to dump me. First up he complained loudly that she was taking longer than him, then stated loudly he was paying for his stuff (and did) then flirted with her friend, and finally stormed up to her and said "You're taking too bloody long, I'm waiting in the car!" One of those guys you feel like leaning over the counter and saying "Before we do anything, I have to do this. Sorry, part of the job" and them smashing them in the face. Extreme, but effective methinks... Or perhaps I am old fashioned in thinking that perhaps showing your partner love and affection and respect is important. More so in public.

The Blonde Bombshell did perhaps the most spectacular thing I have EVER seen last night. This beats Slaphead's 20p (was supposed to be £20 but he didn't add enough 0s) cashback by a country mile. So, a regular comes in and hands his fuel card over. The Blonde One forgets to swipe the card, asks for the milage, and then enters it. Into the cash tendered screen. And before he realises his mistake, he hits the "Pay" button. So rather than entering 9527 miles, he enters £95.27 as the amount handed over for £45 of fuel. And the thing about fuel cards is they can only pay for fuel. And our system knows that. And once fuel is paid for, it just vanishes from the system, so there was nothing at all he could do about it. Apart from soil his pants.

Lastly, I humiliated Queen Chav. She claims I am the only person in SF that reviews their clockings. I told her that I doubted this, and she gave her standard - "Uh, no! Don't. Think. So!" So I told her that I found it odd that out of 64,000 or so employees that I was the ONLY one who reviewed their clockings. I added that it made me a 64,000:1 anomoly. She snorted and told me she didn't have time for such nonsense. Methinks I used a word she didn't know.
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