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Supermarket Soap
Daily life behind the counter
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16th October 2008: Blonde Moments, Old Days, You Are Not At Tesco Any More, Breaks, Random Women, Con Builders and Special Brew So, whenI got into work, I managed to have one of the biggest blonde moments of my life.  I mean, this seriously outdoes more or less anything else I have done in the past in the way of blonde moments.  I looked at the rota for the morning and then see that Shoe is down to work 5 til 1.  Now, despite having been awake since 3pm, my brain decides to have a small brain fart and reads this as 5pm til 1pm.  There is a good reason why I am mentioning this.  That reason being that this story pretty much defined how my shift went.  Brain farts agogo. However, Miss C and myself got on really well last night.  And I have absolutely no idea why.  But it's odd.  It's like the old days.  When Miss C first started, we got on really well, and now we appear to be again.  Perhaps someone had a word. Then again there could be another factor, and that factor might be The Flying Scotsman.  I am not sure that I have ever met such a grumpy, yet meticulous worker.  Now in most places meticulous is a good characteristic.  Not in our job.  You see, whilst some see shelf stacking as a lowly job, what we do is shelf stacking to deadlines.  And with Miss C being pregnant, it limits what she can do and this gives us even stricter deadlines.  So, about the worst thing you can have is someone who decides that they are going to reorganise the warehouse as they work it.  Our warehouse is really untidy, admittedly, but tidying it is a once quarterly job.  Not daily.  But this guy doesn't appear to understand this little fact.  The problem is, he used to work for Tesco, where their standards are ridiculously high.  I'm not sure he understands that he doesn't work for them anymore. But then there was the issue with the breaks.  Now, I am a pretty flexible guy, as long as I get my three breaks, I don't really care when.  All I ask is that I have my lunch before the delivery so I can down my herbs and spices, a coffee and sometimes an energy drink or a cup of Yerba Mate.  This keeps me happy, and all my supervisors understand that a happy me is a good thing.  So to make this happen, I really need my first break at about 12:45pm if there are three of us on.  Miss C obliges and gives me my break at 12:45pm.  And The Flying Scotsman too.  Except, he isn't so pleased.  He mutters something about women bosses, but rolls a cigarette and takes his break.  Then lunch comes and Miss C asks me to take my break and to tell The Flying Scotsman to take his too.  I tell him, and get "You F***ing what?  What is this?  I am going to sort this S*it out!"  I calmly walk out onto the shop floor, see no customers, and bash my head against a shelf.  Repeatedly.  This makes Miss C giggle and then ask what is wrong.  "Once, just once, just one goddamned time can he just do what he is told without making a scene?"  She asks what he said, and I told her, and right on cue I hear "Hey!  Oi!  Missy!  Get here now!"  I buy my lunch, keep the door open as I check my phone for Skype chat messages from my beloved, and hear shouting coming from the shop floor.  A mixture of Scottish and Surrey accents.  Then the sound of the clocking in machine taking a swipe card.  And then I had to deal with the customer no-one in the entire store likes dealing with.  This woman is seriously random.  And has form.  She was actually barred from the store for six months, which expired about a month ago.  She was barred for asking for a mobile phone top up, and electricity, then not having the money to pay for them.  Both are done electronically, over the internet, and are instant.  And we can only undo the last transaction.  So she was barred and ordered by us to repay us.  Now she can come back, she does.  So today she bought 4 pints of fresh milk and 8 litres of ultra long life milk.  And then asked me how many packs of Solo Superkings we had.  I told her we had 8 packs, and got the reply "Hmmmm...8, yes, I think I'll have 8 packs."  And she doesn't dress like any other customer we have either.  Admittedly, most of our customers come in wearing tracksuits, or suits.  This woman comes in wearing pigtails (she is at least mid 50s) and wearing the fluffiest, whitest fur coat you can imagine.  With a sweatshirt and leggings.  I mean, I feel sorry for her, I really do, because evidently she isn't quite all there, but I mean, there is only so much we can do.  Miss C is always extremely cold to her.  I try to be nice, because I figure people do deserve a second chance.  Sometimes. There are exceptions.  John Pyatt's lot came in today, this time with two new recruits.  So the new recruits make coffee, unfortunately for them I have seen them get out of the van.  And clocked they are with one of the regular Pyatt gang.  The first one comes up and pays for the coffees, then takes a few steps, and sips his coffee.  He then turns back to me and says "Hey, this coffee is..."  I stop him and say "It's not cold".  He literally looks at me open mouthed.  Then says quietly "How do you know?"  I smile and say "I watched you make the coffee.  The machine isn't beeping, your coffee didn't overflow, there is nothing wrong with the machine.  That coffee is hot."  He then slams it on the counter and demands a refund.  I point blank refuse and inform him that we know that the John Pyatt builders try it on.  So he demands to see a manager.  I tell him there aren't any, but suggest if I can prove the coffee is hot, he leaves quietly.  He agrees to I remove the lid and point at the condensation on it, but say that isn't proof.  He smiles smugly until I wipe it clean off.  I tell him if the coffee isn't hot, he will have no problem putting one finger as far into the coffee as he can and leaving it there for 30 seconds.  He then demands a refund, which I tell him he is welcome to if he proves the coffee is cold.  He grabs the coffee and tells me he won't be coming back.  I smile and suggest he, and his buddies go somewhere else for coffee.  He shouts at me "Yeah!  We will!"  He has no idea that the nearest place open for coffee at 5am is on the motorway...  We know this because we told them to find somewhere else before, and they tried for 6 weeks.  They came back and sheepishly asked if they could come back because the nearest place was 50 miles away.  And I think that is about all that happened at work today.  Not a huge amount.  But tomorrow should be way more fun.  I have a little surprise in store for The Bombshell.  We like him hyperactive.  He likes a nice coffee as soon as he comes into work.  I think I can accomodate him.  One special brew coming right up.  Twice the sugar, twice the caffeine, but tastes just the same.  And guaranted to turn anyone into the Tazmanian Devil... 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