Visitors Since 22nd April 2008:

Supermarket Soap
Daily life behind the counter
www.supermarketsoap.co.uk

Contact Us | The Store Manager

Listen to Steve B on Narcotic Radio 9-10pm GMT Thursday nights
iTunes | Winamp | Realplayer | Windows Media

26th October 2008: Tonight has been full of absolute morons.  My first two customers were great.  Friendly, chatty, cracking jokes, and then I got my third customers.  The guy wanted to buy 4 beers, but it had gone 11, so I refused him.  His friend said "But he was in the queue before 11."  I pointed out that the queue was 2 people long, and I had just watched them join it.  They slammed the beer down then yelled "I knew we should have gone to One Stop, would have been cheaper too!"  I pointed out to Miss C that One Stop shuts at 11.  She laughed and said "Yeah, what would they have said?  'What?  Just because you're shut I can't buy beer?' " But before that I had to contend with The Flying Scotsman.  This man is just irritation personified, I swear.  You see, tonight the clocks go back, which means we do an extra hour, but because he is so damned anal over the hours he works, he had an argument with Shoe yesterday over not being paid for the extra hour.  And then threatened to walk out at 6am.  So when I came in I got "Oi!  Is this true?"  So I asked what "this" was, and he explained, so I told him.  He is now in a foul mood because he won't get paid for the hour.  Moron.  But apparently he'll be fired if he walks at 6am.  I am crossing my fingers and toes. But we have had a lot of lighter moments today.  For example, we have had the guy who came in with all his friends and decided, drunkenly, that he was going to teach them all about inflation.  Inflation on chocolate that is.  Apparently, and according to him, the best way to decide which chocolate to get is to find the cheapest chocolate per 100 grams.  This will let you know which is truely the cheapest chocolate.  And apparently that has something to do with inflation.  But seeing one guy a little less drunk than his friends, discussing maths with seven really drunk guys, all trying to follow said maths did make me laugh. On the subject of chocolate, we had a guy who bought the last High School Musical calander in the store.  And he did so with good reason.  At least according to his little drunken brain he had good reason.  You see, he wanted to buy the advent calander because he wanted to lick chocolate women.  And he admitted this with his girlfriend right beside him.  Not especially smart.  She glared at him, yelled "Pervert!" then stormed out of the store.  Miss C made two fantastic points about this.  First of all, it's an advent calander, it probably doesn't have chocolate women inside it.  It probably has robins, Christmas puddings and holly shapes.  Secondly, the guy is probably dumped after that.  Now, whilst I am not a particular fan of building up to a story, I am going to have to with this next one.  I served a cop, and he told me that he was from Southampton police, which made his night quiet.  He also compared Lymington police with Hot Fuzz.  I didn't point out the irony of him being in a SF store and comparing the local police to Hot Fuzz.  Anyway.  Behind him a couple were seriously rowing.  I mean really going at each other.  So she slammed his crisps on the counter and said "Ugh!  Domestic much!" to me.  It turns out that she had finished a 12 hour shift, driven him to Boscombe for a kebab, then driven all the way back when he discovered the kebab shops were all shut.  So, this is relevant because the cop was looking at them like "Shall I arrest them for public disturbance?" but I was smiling at their argument, so he left them.  So glad he did.  Now, the guy's girlfriend was on the larger side, but stunning, blonde, and Irish.  He on the other hand was very very drunk, scrawny, scruffy, and a mess.  She was always going to win, hands down.  So she glared at him and said "Drunks are so f*cking annoying when your sober!"  He yelled "What?  I'm hungry!"  Her reply?  "Oh f*ck off!  You have got a pack of rolls, some ham, a ham roll and a ham sandwich?  How f*cking hungry can you be?"  He then asked me if kebab shops in Bosbombe were normally open at 1 or 2 in the morning.  I told him they were sometimes, but it depended on how busy the town was.  She yelled "Oh, right, now you've f*cked the guy behind the counter off!"  She paid then turned back to him, slammed his sandwich into his chest and said "Here, take your sandwich and f*ck off back to the car!"  We like her.  We want her on nights.  She'd be awesome against the drunks. Speaking of drunks, we had an absolute arse in last night too.  Miss C dealt with him amazingly!  He came in and complained that the girl he was with didn't have a microwave, so he asked Miss C if we had one.  She said no and he demanded to know why.  So she told him that it was because of health and safety.  So he argued that it didn't matter, he wanted hot food.  She said he couldn't have any, and he claimed that it was an outrage, and a disgrace, and that she was a disgrace to checkout operators.  I kept my ear on the conversation in case Miss C got into trouble.  She didn't.  So the customer demanded that she write a memo to the owners insisting on a customer microwave.  Miss C refused, saying it wasn't her place to write a memo, but perhaps he should make a complaint via the company website.  He said she should write a memo for the manager detailing the entire conversation.  She smiled and said "Including the fact that you are very drunk and being very aggressive?"  He stormed off, and then tried to come back in, before his girlfriend grabbed him and pushed him back outside.  Shame, I really wanted to tell him to pack it in or be barred.  One of my favourite parts of my job when I am dealing with drunks. Lastly, The Flying Scotsman refused to clean the canteen for a very bigoted reason.  He said it wasn't his job, it was the job of a cleaner to clean the canteen, and that he wasn't paid to clean, so refused to on principle.  Now, he makes a LOT of sexist, racist, homophobic comments, so I decided to force him to face his values.  I love doing this to people with controversial values, because they often realise how uncomfortable they make other people feel.  I said "No, men shouldn't clean.  You get your black slave to do it.  Or you get a woman to do it.  Or you get a poof in a pinny to do it.  Because whatever else happens, a man can't clean!" and then began singing So Macho by Sinita.  He snapped at me "Oh, you think you're so big and you're so clever don't you?"  So I grinned and said "Judging from the shape I'm in, yes, I am big.  And I have a 189 point IQ, so yes, I am clever.  And I am making a stand against you because biggots like you tend to hate people like me too.  You don't know because I haven't told you, but I am Autistic, and biggots like you tend to hate people like me because we have a disability you can't see, and it drives you mad."  He snapped back with "Oh, yeah, you lot always bring up the disability card!" and stormed off.  I got glares all the rest of the night. Permalink |

Technorati Profile Minutes Of Child Education Donated Since 06/10/08: 2250 Find out more here Archives April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 Podcast Archive Blogroll V And A In Milan Simple Man, Simple Thoughts The Purple Blug Erin O'Connor's Blog (love this) Paul Smith's Blog Abigail's Teen Diary Trump University Blog White Knight's Blog Not Always Right View blog top tags You Can Also Check My Twitter! - Updated all the time! Recent Comments