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26th November 2008:
So, last night was a little on the wild side. We had drinks at the hotel, which are free as always. And we've discovered a nice little trick. You see, the hotel will always try to push the local spirits on you, but if you ask for a brand name, they HAVE to give you the branded spirit. So we've been asking for Baccardi and coke all the time. Works a treat. You just need to know which brands they have in stock. Then we moved onto the bars in town. Now, being web savvy, I know that the Internet is huge for brands. And brands are huge here in Gran Canaria. Bars trade on their reputations and names. And our regular bar here in Puerto Rico called La Fiesta has changed hands but not changed names. No, no, bloody no, not while I am in charge. You see, La Fiesta used to be wild. It brought a whole new meaning to the term rough bar. Last year they waxed a guy's chest because they were bored. Not a member of staff, a customer. So, we went back, and it has been invaded by vikings! Vikings who play middle of the road soft rock. All the staff are gone, and it's a shell of what it used to be. So we found a different bar quickly. Now, I know that Mario, the owner of La Fiesta has another bar in town, and we headed there. Except the Vikings beat us there too. Then we discovered, completely by accident, a La Fiesta photocopy. But it suffered the same problem as all photocopies. Not as good as the original. It was like La Fiesta on a leash and given some sleeping tablets. The shots game was there, but neutered. Nasty shots consist of alcohol and tabasco. In La Fiesta of old, nasty shots consisted of alcohols which should never be mixed. Like gin and red wine. However, there was a cute podgy, shy, glasses wearing redhead who was our personal barmaid, and we can only approve of this. So we're going to go back. And maybe tear the place a new bum hole. It needs soul. And I think the daring team of Mr Jack and Mr Daniels are the two men to give it a soul. Actually, this is what I am most upset about. OUR reputation has gone. Poo. So tonight we are going to get tanked up on Bacardi and coke at the hotel, then crash the bar in town. Well, it's a case of sticking to what you know. So, right now I am sitting on the roof terrace, having eaten a particularly nice burger for lunch, with a glass of extraordinarily strong Jim Beam and coke, free from the hotel, The RIU Vistamar, as part of their all inclusive range. Now, RIU Vistamar is rated the third best in Puerto Rico by TripAdvisor.com. You see, you have singing staff (one just came past me singing along to Greased Lighting which was on) and the reception desk will do pretty much anything their Class Members want. And we happen to be Class Members. Which means despite needing to reserve a seat at the private, but free resteraunt, a day in advance, we were allowed to book at breakfast for tonight. On the menu? Fillet steak, chicken breast, grilled rabbit, grilled peppers and assorted vegetables, five salads, and a wide range of deserts. Plus we have a waiter attending to our every need. Photos will be included in tomorrow's post! Speaking of photos, I took a few yesterday. One of which is just for laughs. You see, our maid is stunning. She makes swans out of the towels. And then puts said swans on our bed. Gotta love that attention to detail. The other ones are a photo which I think is going to come out really well, of the traffic zooming down the road which runs below our hotel. And another of the sun setting. I'm a sucker for a sunset. But I think tomorrow will be a day of ball kicking. And not in the rugby or football sense. I need to kick my insurance company into gear, and I need to severely kick Monarch. Even my girlfriend agrees that the compensation was a joke. The problem with coming to a place like the RIU Vistamar is choice. There is so damned much of it. Now, that's not entirely a bad thing, but, when you have a million types of food at your disposal, and all of it is tasty, then you hit a problem. Hunger isn't the issue, the issue is fitting all that tasty food in your tummy. Example, just now I have had a few people of absolutely stunning cheddar. I wasn't hungry. I was actully looking for cake to take to my parents place down the road for afternoon tea. But all the cake was gone. Then I spotted the cheese. And I am a cheese fiend. And I know their cheese is particularly tasty. So, I gave into temptation and ate some. Bad RIU, naughty RIU. Don't ever change! And just now I have finished playing Bingo at Anfi. And it rocked. You see, the guys at Anfi who do the entertainment are actually insane. But it's understandable, I mean, if your job was to do stuff like play bingo with people, and play shuffleboard all day every day, wouldn't you go a little crazy too? Besides, the caller going "champagne cha cha cha, champagne cha cha cha!" as he is "shuffling" the balls is just fantastic. Yes, we were playing bingo for champagne. Despite my best efforts (doodling all over the paper edges) I didn't win a bean! Pah! Well there is more bingo on friday, and I will try to win then. This said, I did accuse the winners of printing their own tickets (jokingly) because one table won all three prizes. Tomorrow, I think maybe we will go shooting! That or archery. Not sure which yet. My friend perfers archery, but I prefer shooting stuff with high power CO2 rifles. They are on alternate days. And both RIU Vistamar and Anfi provide both events. Double trouble. James Bond vs Robin Hood here we come! Permalink | |
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