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Supermarket Soap
Daily life behind the counter
www.supermarketsoap.co.uk

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27.07.08: Staff Are Bad Customers, Drunks, Crack Baby, Cross Store Promotions, Return Of The Goth, and Queen Chav Is Late! Streaming Comedy Of The Day: Part 1 of 3 from The Best Of Mock The Week's Scenes We'd Like To See Free MP3 Of The Day: Girl Talk - Too Deep Tonight has been a worse than average night.  So far I've had to deal with Teeny Tiny as a customer, and she was far from great.  First she told me that she only wanted to pay for her stuff, but then paid for her daughter's stuff.  And then wandered off to buy other things, which I told her she should know better than doing, which left both her and her daughter rather red faced as they admitted that it was annoying.  And because they wouldn't stop yapping, they distracted me and I ended up scanning something twice.  So I had to give a refund, and all the time the customers behind her were getting angrier and angrier.  Fun for me when I had to serve them. And speaking of customers, we have had loads.  It feels like the whole of Lymington have been in tonight.  Most of them have been pretty good, but as always, the odd one or two have been annoying the hell out of me and being generally annoying.  Mostly people asking if they can have things for free, or changing their mind on products.  Or just being blind drunk.  That one in itself is annoying.  Probably the funniest customer was the one who was swaying the entire time she stood at the checkout, and when she put her card in the machine, she misjudged it so badly that it bent and bounced off the card slot and onto the counter.  One of those times where you can't help but laugh. Then we had my least favourite member of staff phone up.  Crack Baby.  For those new to this blog, the guy is a kid who quite openly takes cocaine, and apparently isn't even 18 yet.  And still very much in with manangement.  I digress.  So, he phones up at about midnight, right as I am in the middle of serving a ton of customers.  I get the phone and hear: Crack Baby: "Yeaaaaaahhhh...can you tell me the numbers under the box that make the receipts?" Me: "You mean the printer" Crack Baby:"Yeaaaaaaahhhh" Me: "Ok, which numbers?  Where?" Crack Baby: "Under the printer, on the piece of paper" Me: "Which piece of paper?" Crack Baby: "The one under the printer" Me: "*calls him by name*, there are loads of receipts and I am really busy right now" Crack Baby: "Yeah, alright mate, keep your beard on.  Hahahaha.  Lift up the machine and tell me what the numbers on the piece of paper are" I then lift up the machine and find a list of numbers which look like odds but they're different and with the same name beside each one.  Very strange.  I tell him these numbers and he puts the phone down.  Now, this is where I get annoyed, because The Hero left these numbers for Crack Baby and I don't know or care what they are for, but I do know that me passing on secret messages to him made me look bad in front of customers.  And I can't wait until I see The Hero next time... At the moment we have a cross store promotion on at the moment.  People who shop at our store can get £2 off their shopping at any of our Isle Of Wight stores.  Anyone who shops at our Isle Of Wight stores can get 10% off their fuel up to £50.  Not bad when fuel is so high right now and food bills are rising.  So, to get the vouchers for the Isle Of Wight store, you need to spend £20 on fuel in our store.  Now, as with any promotion there are exceptions.  The worst one, at least for the customer, is that the vouchers are given at the discrection of the checkout operator.  So, if you're a rude customer, the chances of you getting a voucher become far slimmer than if you're a very nice customer.  Hell, if you're a very nice customer, you've got a decent chance of getting one of these vouchers anyway, whether you spend £20 on fuel or not.  Now, I did call a few customers back when they were nice to me to give them their vouchers.  But then there were nasty customers who were not nice to me, and you know, I forgot that they spent the required amount and let them skip out the store without their little vouchers.  Shame.  Then we had The Goth come in.  He is a good friend of mine who I am not going to name by name here because he used to work for the store.  All I will say is that he is fairly tall, fairly intimidating if you don't know him, and speaks with the most ridiculously posh accent you have ever heard.  And yet he is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet.  He actually came in just for fuel, but ended up spending about half an hour in the store chatting to me, and for other reasons I will get into later.  Plus being the nice guy that I am I decided I'd cook him the burger he bought in our microwave.  Not that we're supposed to, because if we give someone food poisoning (possible considering our microwave) then we can be sued by them.  Anyway, he apologised for not calling me before, and told me that he hadn't called me because he got into his house and lost my phone number.  So he's coming in again tonight to give me his phone number.  Good times. But one of the reasons The Goth was in there for so long was because of a customer we had.  Actually, a very cute customer.  She came in and asked Slaphead if he would sell her alcohol, and he said no.  So she asked if I would, and he said no.  Then she said "well, what if I flirt with him?" and Slaphead, really annoyingly said "Maybe, go ask".  He had no idea what he'd let me in for.  She was standing at the checkout for easily 20 minutes, asking if she could have alcohol, and when I said no she asked if anywhere else sold it.  And then had a small tantrum when I told her the nearest place was Boscombe.  Then The Goth told her that there was Longs, which she then asked him if he could take her to.  He said no, and then she began alternately asking me to sell her alcohol and The Goth to drive her to Longs.  And when she asked me, she offered me many things in return for selling her alcohol.  Like getting her breasts out.  And then coming in naked.  And when both of those failed (due to me saying "stick to the script" over and over in my head) she offered to pay my wages if I got in trouble.  At that point I laughed and told her she couldn't afford me.  She had another tantrum and asked how much I could possibly be paid, and was left open mouthed when I told her it was almost a grand a month.  In the end she left empty handed, and without The Goth driving her.  And I logged her in the refusal of sale book as a redhead, mid 20s, very cute.  I kind of forgot to add the chatty bit.  I figured I'd let the rest of the staff find that one out for themselves... Lastly, Queen Chav's Number One Son came in last night with Number Two son.  My god.  They are like a double act.  Actually, for those who remember the Police Academy films, it's like the Captain who always gets upstaged by the cadets and his little assistant.  With Number One Son being the Captain and Number Two Son being the assistant.  He came in and told me that he was going to apply to come back to SF, and to a garage at that.  Not the worst plan in the world.  But then I had to really stop myself from laughing when he told me that he was applying to be a store manager.  The kid is 18 years old and things that he can run a store without going on the Store Managers Development course.  But he's going to apply.  And then he said "How much trouble with that cause eh?" and I said "Probably not any actually.  Here maybe, but not anywhere else."  And he smirked and said "Oh yes, there would be trouble.  They'd all be so jealous of me..." at which point his brother said "Jealous!"  And then Number One Son resumed and said "because I'd be so young..."  At which point his brother pointed at him and said "He's 18".  I was tempted to leap over the counter and grab him and say "And you're an idiot"  It carried on like this as well.  Although possibly the best part, apart from Number One Son thinking he has any chance whatsoever of becoming store manager (unless more corruption kicks in since Pedro currently runs the store that he wants to run) was that because Number Two Son was so hungover this morning, Queen Chav was 16 minutes late for work.  The 16 is significant, because it means that they both got docked half an hours wages.  Unless of course she accesses the system and changes their clocking in times.  Wouldn't surprise me in the least... 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